~BeautifulAngel~
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Sunday, August 31, 2008
the feeling that still lingers..
You have said things to me to make me believe in you. You have wept and said all of it. You poured out everything to me and helped me understand what you are going through. At times, I cannot help but feel the fear back again. I guess it will never go away.
I do not know if I should just hang on and believe things will get better or just keep fearing and falling apart. I know for sure that I cannot express what I have inside of me. So many things going on inside of this small head and heart of mine, that it hurts so badly.
I am scared, I remember everything, every little thing from the begining till now and I am very scared. I know you may not remember most of the bad things that has happened. But I do, cause I am like that. And you can justify yourself, by saying that I am mixed up. Its alright, no matter what I know what happened and its scares the shit out of me.
I guess after the last straw, you are just too afraid to fall back to the same position. And I am in that state now. I am super duper scared. I really hope I can overcome it and get on with life.
I guess each of us has our own ghosts.
I do not know if I should just hang on and believe things will get better or just keep fearing and falling apart. I know for sure that I cannot express what I have inside of me. So many things going on inside of this small head and heart of mine, that it hurts so badly.
I am scared, I remember everything, every little thing from the begining till now and I am very scared. I know you may not remember most of the bad things that has happened. But I do, cause I am like that. And you can justify yourself, by saying that I am mixed up. Its alright, no matter what I know what happened and its scares the shit out of me.
I guess after the last straw, you are just too afraid to fall back to the same position. And I am in that state now. I am super duper scared. I really hope I can overcome it and get on with life.
I guess each of us has our own ghosts.
Saturday, August 30, 2008
The recent happenings.
Lunch and Games by Berg Propolsion.
Yes she loves to pose for the cam.
miss felicia, miss nadia and miss agatha.Saturday Spent With Him =)
my cool punk.
pretty girl with the umbrella.
Our Sunday Shopping
Overdue Date With My Darling =)
Banana Crumble.
I enjoyed myself so much dear. And my dear misha, I've missed u so much too. Its a shame that you could not join us for some funny and painful reasons. Nontheless, I enjoyed every minute with sharon. Talking and catching up with everything that has happened. Thank you for always being there for me my dear. I love u both always. And please lets meet the three of us soon!!! Muacks. =)Labels: Pictures
Friday, August 22, 2008
Live in the present.
I sit and I think so much about my life, my work and everything else. Sometimes it makes my head hurt so much, and at times I wanna run away and fade into the background where I can lead a simpple and quiet life. *Hopefully*
I think and think and think, and I wonder what am I going to get out of it. I know its not going to help me one damn bit, but I cant help it. Arghh..Just recently my dept has been going through some little problems. And it has got me thinking that how can such a person with such a thinking & heart, work at a place where you need to be patient, big hearted and loving? I guess some just want to do this just for the fun and sake of it. How dare you say such stuff of the kids and their family, when you do not even know them personally and how much they have improved from the time they started the programme?
I also wonder, why are you so bothered about someone else's life when its already the past? Just get a life and move on. I do not know why things do need to come up now, but I am over it. Its not hurting me or making me upset in any way possible. How much would you go to do what you wanna do? I guess some people never give up eh? I have passed that stage where I do not bother what others are doing onto me, and just focus on my ever so complex life.
Do not look back and grieve over the past, for it is gone and do not be troubled about the future, for it has yet to come. Live in the present and make it so beautiful that it will be worth remembering.
**Hey peeps, do not worry that I am going mad or what so ever. This is just the normal rantings of my life. I guess people just go through all of these stuff, but when I write it out I feel much better. So do not be puzzled or worried ok. CHILL! I know you are thinking that I should tell myself that =) and the things that I write here might not be refering to anyone of you, its just my emotions and how I feel about the things around.
Wednesday, August 20, 2008
When you are the picture placed in the background.
Did you ever look at a picture of yourself and see a stranger in the background? It makes you wonder how many people have pictures of you. There are so many times when you feel that you are out of place somehow or another. When you think of what you have done, there is nothing that comes to your mind as you know you didnt do anything. Cause the situation and tension just change all of a sudden. So what should you do about it? Just leave it and carry on with you life? Talk to the people who are making you feel such a way? Or just suck it up and ignore it all?
I guess it comes down to each single individual. To a certain extend it will affect you, and after some time of being like that I guess you will just ignore it. What is the point of thinking so much about it when it is going to be of no use? And if you talk to the people involve in it, how sure are you that you will be able to accept what they will say? So it comes down to my previous post, about accepting the truth.
So many things keep popping up in my world. People keep coming to me and telling me stuff about their problems. I am not saying I do not wanna hear any of it, but the more I hear the more I think about it. And when I know I cannot do anything to make things better, I go bonkers and think even more!! I know I drive MYSELF nuts, and no one else is doing that to me!
This is who I am! I think so much of others that I tend to forget about myself and my health. I wanna help as much as I can and at times I feel I am being taken advantage of. How sure are you that the person is telling the truth? Or just saying things to gain sympathy? I guess I will never know and it is down to that person. I will just take everything in. That's me!
The important thing is not to be bitter over life's disappointments. Learn to let go of the past, and recognize that every day won't be sunny. And when you find yourself lost in the darkness of despair, remember, it's only in the black of night that you see the stars, and those stars lead you back home.
'There are things that I heard and what is past is past and it will not affect me. People do make mistakes and I do not want to brood over it. Even I have made mistakes, so who am I to judge you? Thank you for everything no matter what happened in the past.' -Oreo-
I guess it comes down to each single individual. To a certain extend it will affect you, and after some time of being like that I guess you will just ignore it. What is the point of thinking so much about it when it is going to be of no use? And if you talk to the people involve in it, how sure are you that you will be able to accept what they will say? So it comes down to my previous post, about accepting the truth.
So many things keep popping up in my world. People keep coming to me and telling me stuff about their problems. I am not saying I do not wanna hear any of it, but the more I hear the more I think about it. And when I know I cannot do anything to make things better, I go bonkers and think even more!! I know I drive MYSELF nuts, and no one else is doing that to me!
This is who I am! I think so much of others that I tend to forget about myself and my health. I wanna help as much as I can and at times I feel I am being taken advantage of. How sure are you that the person is telling the truth? Or just saying things to gain sympathy? I guess I will never know and it is down to that person. I will just take everything in. That's me!
The important thing is not to be bitter over life's disappointments. Learn to let go of the past, and recognize that every day won't be sunny. And when you find yourself lost in the darkness of despair, remember, it's only in the black of night that you see the stars, and those stars lead you back home.
'There are things that I heard and what is past is past and it will not affect me. People do make mistakes and I do not want to brood over it. Even I have made mistakes, so who am I to judge you? Thank you for everything no matter what happened in the past.' -Oreo-
Wednesday, August 13, 2008
Truth Hurts, That's The Sad Part.
Are you strong enough to hear the truth? Even if you are strong, are you willing enough to accept it? I guess somehow or another, it will affect you. For myself, I keep finding out certain truths and it hurts and shocks me here and there.
At times when I know certain truths, I am shocked that I never knew all of it and why must things come suddenly.I try my very best to keep calm and acknowledge the issue, but it never stops me from worrying or feeling upset. Certain things I cannot really digest it in and I think about it alot and mostly all the time. I do not know how to overcome it at times.
I keep re-playing it over and over in my head and it hurts so much. How can I ever overlooked that in my whole life? It always crossed my mind but never did I know the truth till recently. I am so at lost and do not know what to do about it. Sometimes when I think too much, I feel its overwhelming and that I need to see a Shrink. But, then again, I guess this is all small matters compared to those who really are in need of that kind of help.
It truely hurts from deep withing and its really killing me so much. I need to get it out of me. Everything is just building up inside of me and I am so scared that I will burst out soon, and there will be no turning back. And I seriously do not want that to happen ever.
Please help me! I am in need to talk. In need to open up my heart and show what's buried in there for many years now. On the other hand, I need to be left alone and away from all the hurt, lies and fakeness!!
At times when I know certain truths, I am shocked that I never knew all of it and why must things come suddenly.I try my very best to keep calm and acknowledge the issue, but it never stops me from worrying or feeling upset. Certain things I cannot really digest it in and I think about it alot and mostly all the time. I do not know how to overcome it at times.
I keep re-playing it over and over in my head and it hurts so much. How can I ever overlooked that in my whole life? It always crossed my mind but never did I know the truth till recently. I am so at lost and do not know what to do about it. Sometimes when I think too much, I feel its overwhelming and that I need to see a Shrink. But, then again, I guess this is all small matters compared to those who really are in need of that kind of help.
It truely hurts from deep withing and its really killing me so much. I need to get it out of me. Everything is just building up inside of me and I am so scared that I will burst out soon, and there will be no turning back. And I seriously do not want that to happen ever.
Please help me! I am in need to talk. In need to open up my heart and show what's buried in there for many years now. On the other hand, I need to be left alone and away from all the hurt, lies and fakeness!!
Sunday, August 10, 2008
NDP Pictures from the Merlion =)
Funny truths about life in small small Singapore
1. Nite - Sleep with air-con; Day - Bathe with heater on
2. Day - Cannot Wake up; Nite - Cannot Sleep
3. Cigarettes - Convenient to buy; not convenient to smoke
4. Chewing Gum - Can Chew, Cannot buy?? (Restrictions on buying)
5. Smell Of rubbish besides letterboxes; Rubbish inside Letterbox
6. Private Cars - Cheaper & Cheaper to Buy, harder & harder to Maintain
7. Education - Teachers teaching Less but expects students to learn More
8. High-tech barbaric singaporeans - know how to use state-of-the art equipment, but dunno how to use a simple dustbin or a toilet
9. There are quite a number of rich/poor in spore -! They have C! ar, Credit , Card, CPF .... but no Cash and lots of loans
10. Translation is needed between Singaporean Chinese and Mainland China Chinese
11. Sporean never like to vote, but like to complain
12. Half Sporeans rushed to buy Hello kitty, but the other half busy killing stray cats
13. Public Bus - Half the Crowd squeeze in front section of the Bus, Second section is for Carrying Ghost
The Pope!!
Today after getting all of Pope Benedict's luggage loaded into the Limo,the driver notices that the Pope is still has not entered the Limo.
'Excuse me, Your Holiness,' says the driver, 'Would you please take your seat so we can leave ?'.
'Well, to tell you the truth,' says the Pope, 'they never let me drive at the Vatican, and I'd really like to drive today.
''I'm sorry, Your Holiness, but I can't let you do that. I'd lose my job!'.
'Who's going to tell ?' says the Pope with a smile.
Reluctantly, the driver gets in the back as the Pope climbs in behind the wheel. The driver quickly regrets his decision when, after exiting the airport, the Pontiff floors it, accelerating the Limo to 105 mph.
'Please slow down, Your Holiness!' pleads the worried driver, but the Pope keeps the pedal to the metal until they hear police sirens.
'Oh, dear God, I'm going to lose my license -- and my job!', moans the driver.
The Pope pulls over and rolls down the window as the cop approaches, but the cop takes one look at him, goes back to his Motorcycle, and gets on the radio.
'I need to talk to the Chief,' he says to the dispatcher.
The Chief gets on the radio and the cop tells him that he's stopped a Limo going 105.
'So bust him,' says the Chief.
'I don't think we want to do that, he's really important,' said the cop.
The Chief then asked, 'Who do you have there, the mayor ?'
Cop: 'Bigger.'
Chief: 'A senator ?'
Cop: 'Bigger.'
Chief: 'The President ?'
Cop: 'Bigger.
''So,' said the Chief, 'Who is it ?'
Cop: 'I think it's God!'
The Chief is even more puzzled and curious, 'What makes you think it's God ?
''Well', said the Cop: His chauffeur is the Pope!'.
'Excuse me, Your Holiness,' says the driver, 'Would you please take your seat so we can leave ?'.
'Well, to tell you the truth,' says the Pope, 'they never let me drive at the Vatican, and I'd really like to drive today.
''I'm sorry, Your Holiness, but I can't let you do that. I'd lose my job!'.
'Who's going to tell ?' says the Pope with a smile.
Reluctantly, the driver gets in the back as the Pope climbs in behind the wheel. The driver quickly regrets his decision when, after exiting the airport, the Pontiff floors it, accelerating the Limo to 105 mph.
'Please slow down, Your Holiness!' pleads the worried driver, but the Pope keeps the pedal to the metal until they hear police sirens.
'Oh, dear God, I'm going to lose my license -- and my job!', moans the driver.
The Pope pulls over and rolls down the window as the cop approaches, but the cop takes one look at him, goes back to his Motorcycle, and gets on the radio.
'I need to talk to the Chief,' he says to the dispatcher.
The Chief gets on the radio and the cop tells him that he's stopped a Limo going 105.
'So bust him,' says the Chief.
'I don't think we want to do that, he's really important,' said the cop.
The Chief then asked, 'Who do you have there, the mayor ?'
Cop: 'Bigger.'
Chief: 'A senator ?'
Cop: 'Bigger.'
Chief: 'The President ?'
Cop: 'Bigger.
''So,' said the Chief, 'Who is it ?'
Cop: 'I think it's God!'
The Chief is even more puzzled and curious, 'What makes you think it's God ?
''Well', said the Cop: His chauffeur is the Pope!'.
Tuesday, August 05, 2008
The things I treasure the most.
Things have changed so drastically in the world. People take things for granted, look past the small details of life and ignorant about many things. I realised that I was like that in the past, but now I look at the smallest things in life and am very happy. The small pleasure and happiness goes a really long way for me.
I treasure the people around me so much and am so scared to loose them at any point of time. I am living each day at a time and cherishing each moment that I have on Earth. I do not know when I will leave this place, but as for now I am enjoying my life as much as I can.
People have come and gone in my life, said things to hurt me, or wished for me to go down. But to me, I just wanna wish them all the best and pray for their good health and life. There s so many feelings in me but no words can explain how I really feel.
Labels: Pictures
Sore Throat!
Its been quite long since I really fell ill. Now, I am having slight fever, sore throat and flu. Arghhh!! I took MC today and stayed at home. I wanted to cook beef sauce and fry chicken, but unfortunately there was no gas. So much for wanting to cook. So mike bought for me food. Thanks.
This friday we will be having National Day celebrations at work and this is the first time we are doing it for our kids. I think its going to be fun and it is a good way for the parents to mingle around. But for this to be a success, we need to do loads of work. It will be fine.
Last Sunday, my brother, his gf, baby and myself went for Singfest not to watch the concert but to sell the tickets off. *LOL* We were lining up and nearing the enterance already and we realised that the tickets sold there quite high and people would want it lower, so we sold all four tickets. I know you people must be wondering why on earth did we do that. BUT we were not at a loss, we earned actually. Anyway it was worth it.
This weekend is going to be a tiring one for me again. On friday, we will be having the celebrations and then maybe dinner for my aunt. Saturday, Baby plan to go to esplanade so that we can watch the fireworks and will be having picnic by the bay. Yippie!! And on Sunday, someone is doing for their 4 year old child a party and my dept was invited, so I will be going. I actually took my in lieu for National Day on monday, but I realised I will be having too many kids on that day, moreover baby will have to work too. So I took on tuesday instead.
I better get some rest now or else I will not be able to go work tomorrow. =)
This friday we will be having National Day celebrations at work and this is the first time we are doing it for our kids. I think its going to be fun and it is a good way for the parents to mingle around. But for this to be a success, we need to do loads of work. It will be fine.
Last Sunday, my brother, his gf, baby and myself went for Singfest not to watch the concert but to sell the tickets off. *LOL* We were lining up and nearing the enterance already and we realised that the tickets sold there quite high and people would want it lower, so we sold all four tickets. I know you people must be wondering why on earth did we do that. BUT we were not at a loss, we earned actually. Anyway it was worth it.
This weekend is going to be a tiring one for me again. On friday, we will be having the celebrations and then maybe dinner for my aunt. Saturday, Baby plan to go to esplanade so that we can watch the fireworks and will be having picnic by the bay. Yippie!! And on Sunday, someone is doing for their 4 year old child a party and my dept was invited, so I will be going. I actually took my in lieu for National Day on monday, but I realised I will be having too many kids on that day, moreover baby will have to work too. So I took on tuesday instead.
I better get some rest now or else I will not be able to go work tomorrow. =)