~BeautifulAngel~
21 years old
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SCAC Cerebral Palsy Center
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Friday, October 30, 2009
i <3 you till the end.
sometimes you loose something so precious and know that it will never be the same again.
i wish things could be different.
how much I try, it still just hurts so bad!!
i tried quite a few things, but the pain just subsides a while, and then it hits you like a bitch once again! OUCH!! things will sure never be the same ever again! it will just haunt me day n night. i just screwed up big time! and I know i will never be able to take that back!
i dont know what to do. am i supposed to be forgiven, or am i supposed to suffer in silence like this? i guess suffering in silence is so much better. i know people will judge and all by now, but I really dun give two cents for their comments or point of view. i know what i did and i dun need anyone telling me anything.
my head is throbbing so badly, from all the thinking and shouting from within. and i am running out of medication. i need to get more soon! this pain is going to stay for quite some time i suppose. on the other hand, i am so used to this pain already.
i just cannot sit here and wait for things to happen. i need to get out there and do some stuff. i need to make things work and get myself occupied. i wanna do things that i could not do, spend more time with my family. (i really miss them so much) visit places and all...sigh!! i dun know. i really dun know!!
i dont know what to do. am i supposed to be forgiven, or am i supposed to suffer in silence like this? i guess suffering in silence is so much better. i know people will judge and all by now, but I really dun give two cents for their comments or point of view. i know what i did and i dun need anyone telling me anything.
my head is throbbing so badly, from all the thinking and shouting from within. and i am running out of medication. i need to get more soon! this pain is going to stay for quite some time i suppose. on the other hand, i am so used to this pain already.
i just cannot sit here and wait for things to happen. i need to get out there and do some stuff. i need to make things work and get myself occupied. i wanna do things that i could not do, spend more time with my family. (i really miss them so much) visit places and all...sigh!! i dun know. i really dun know!!
Thursday, October 29, 2009
i fucked up!!
everything seemed so clear and awesome, then one day the wind just changed directions and turned everything around. now everything is so hazy and cloudy. nothing seems to make any sense anymore. everything is so complicated and difficult. i know i will never make sense of anything cause its all my fault. now i just have to go through the consequences.o
i feel so numb. i dont feel anything at all. am i supposed to feel like that? am i supposed to be crying and pouring my hearts out? i dun feel like i wanna do that. i just feel numb. i just want to run away from all the things in life now. i just want to go somewhere to be alone!
i just dun know what to do already. i dun know if what im feeling is right or wrong. gd or bad. i just dun wanna feel anything!!!
i feel so numb. i dont feel anything at all. am i supposed to feel like that? am i supposed to be crying and pouring my hearts out? i dun feel like i wanna do that. i just feel numb. i just want to run away from all the things in life now. i just want to go somewhere to be alone!
i just dun know what to do already. i dun know if what im feeling is right or wrong. gd or bad. i just dun wanna feel anything!!!
Tuesday, October 27, 2009
Dont treat me like I am nothing!!
You want me to be the person you wanna see me as. I wish I can be that person for you, I wish I can be everything you want me to be! Contradicting it may be, I do NOT want to be that person at all!! I wanna be myself, I wanna be who I am. I wanna be the person who makes mistakes, takes chances and be teh bubbly and cheerful self of mine!
The moment you start picking on how I should be, all of me just falls apart. You will not see the person who I am anymore! You will see a totally different person altogether! I will not be the person who is cheerful and bubbly, jumping up and down and enjoying myself. I will be the quiet and reserved girl, who sits by the corner and watches as everyone enjoys themselves!!
Its already happening now. Please save me before its too late!!
The moment you start picking on how I should be, all of me just falls apart. You will not see the person who I am anymore! You will see a totally different person altogether! I will not be the person who is cheerful and bubbly, jumping up and down and enjoying myself. I will be the quiet and reserved girl, who sits by the corner and watches as everyone enjoys themselves!!
Its already happening now. Please save me before its too late!!
Monday, October 19, 2009
What am I to do?
no words to describe how I am feeling now!
Monday, October 12, 2009
I hate this part right here.
I hate going through this, and I dont understand why you need to put us through this. Its really so sucky! I have to already deal with so much and I know you have to as well. If you are feeling tension and all, dont throw it out on me!! I am not your punching bag!!
Sometimes I just really dont know what to do! I just act the way you want me to!
Sometimes I just really dont know what to do! I just act the way you want me to!
What are we going to do?
You stand there amidst the crowd, thinking that you are the center of attraction. Everyone seems to be looking at you intensely. All of them fixing their eyes on you, thinking what's your next move going to be. You have to be on your constant guard 24/7.
It gets so complicated when you do something wrong. You have to be in the good books of everyone. Doing everything that everyone wants you to be or behave as. Its really hard doing everything everyone else wants you to do.
You cannot follow you heart and you have to always keep it inside of you. You have to do as it pleases people around you. You are left standed in your own world, living your own life, trying to be in everyone's good books!!
It gets so complicated when you do something wrong. You have to be in the good books of everyone. Doing everything that everyone wants you to be or behave as. Its really hard doing everything everyone else wants you to do.
You cannot follow you heart and you have to always keep it inside of you. You have to do as it pleases people around you. You are left standed in your own world, living your own life, trying to be in everyone's good books!!
Tuesday, October 06, 2009
Thank you fatty for another wonderful birthday.
Baby you never fail yo surprise me with all the things that u do. you are the most special person in my life n the best as well.
I love you with all my heart =)
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone
I love you with all my heart =)
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone
Sunday, October 04, 2009
What have I done??
Have I not done enough or was it way too little? I hear what others say, and I feel I've not done anything at all. I feel that I've somehow pushed you to the way you are right now. I am very sorry. I know by saying this, nothing is going to be better. But I really am very sorry.
I wish I can do more for you. But I really think its a two way thing as well. I am not ignorant and I know what's happening. I am somehow affected by it as well, but I try to deal with it. I feel I run away from my problems cause I do not know how to face and handle it. I cannot be in a very stressed situation.
Please please get some help. And follow your call. God has plans for each one of us, and I wish you would follow yours, instead of fighting it.
I wish I can do more for you. But I really think its a two way thing as well. I am not ignorant and I know what's happening. I am somehow affected by it as well, but I try to deal with it. I feel I run away from my problems cause I do not know how to face and handle it. I cannot be in a very stressed situation.
Please please get some help. And follow your call. God has plans for each one of us, and I wish you would follow yours, instead of fighting it.
Friday, October 02, 2009
I am feeling really very scared..
Looking at all the natural disasters that's happening around now, I am getting so frightened. I feel that one day S'pore would also be hit by any one of this natural disasters. I just get so paranoid cause of all of these things happening.
When will all of this be over? Or will it be over for the world? It is really so sad to see what is happening to the world. Is it human's fault or is it that God is clearing stock??
When will all of this be over? Or will it be over for the world? It is really so sad to see what is happening to the world. Is it human's fault or is it that God is clearing stock??