

- Saturday, February 23, 2008 `x

Thank you for always being there for me. You have cared and called me your sister since we first knew each other. You turned to me and told me things that you told no one else. Everytime u call me, I would be busy and say that I will call you back. BUT now I do not have a chance to call you back at all. Cause you have left your family, your friends, myself and this world. I am glad that you are in a better place now. No matter what I cant stop feeling the guilt inside of me.
When I got the msg that you passed away, I thought it will be a joke that you played on me before. I tried to think it was that, to convince myself that I didnt loose you. Many things ran through my head when I was thinking of how you went away. I was so angry with myself for not being there for you when you needed me all those times. I am so sorry my dear brother. When I was on my way to see you, I kept calming myself down by telling that this is just a joke and its not true. But somehow inside of me I know that its something bad and I cant push the fact away. The moment I saw you lying there, I felt so awful that no words can describe. I was trying to hold all my tears back as I didnt wanna show my guilt.
I cant imagine you are lying infront of me and not speaking a word to me at all. At this moment when I am typing this, your body is being brought to the crematorium and I am so sorry I cant be there, as I cant face this particular fact. I am sorry I have been a bad sister to you, not being there and having time for you. All I can say now is that I am so sorry. And I've learnt a big lesson!! I will never take things for granted and think that I can amend things another day. For all you know, there will never be another day.
I love you so much. And may GOD bless you where ever you are now. I will pray for you everyday and you will be in my thoughts. You are the closest person I've lost and I know that you are in a better place. I love & miss you so much!!
